Last Updated on June 29, 2022 by Rebecca Huff
I had a chat with a friend after our Trim Healthy Mama group meeting last night. We are both super-control-freak-perfectionist-all-or-nothing-gals. We both suffer from a very black and white view of life. We are both hit the bulls eye or go home kind of people.
I had messaged her earlier in the week to tell her I needed to get back on track after a few days of veering off plan here and there but I was struggling. It started with my daughter's Bridal Shower, tiffany blue cupcakes and a few glasses of champagne.
You see, I have never been excellent at sticktoitiveness, but it is something I work on daily. My friend agreed that once she got off track she found it hard to get back on, the problem being she was either ALL-in or ALL-out. There was no grey area.
Thinking about our conversation this morning, I realized that it IS 4 months into the year and I have actually stuck to my goal so far this year, better than ever before! My New Year's Resolution was not simply to “lose weight” although I have some pounds that need to go. The resolution, the goal, was to stick to my eating plan for the entire year. Now, when I say “stick to my plan” I don't mean that I could never make a mistake, but that no matter what, I would get BACK on the wagon if I did make a mistake.
The days I was off track weren't food free for all days, but simply eating what I had to just to get by, but my all-or-nothing personality still whispers to me “ok, time to quit, it's time for nothing now.” I have to admit that when I reminded myself of my ACTUAL goal, I was pretty happy with myself.
Even acknowledging that I did fall off for about 3-4 days because the packed-full-life that I lead prevented me from having a plan for a couple of days, I DID get back on track! A huge accomplishment for an all or nothing person like myself. AND I learned something; If you hit the target, even if you hit the edge, it's still a hit, even if you don't hit the bullseye.
[Tweet ” If you hit the target, even if you hit the edge, it's still a hit, even if you don't hit the bullseye”]
One thing I learned from my days as a raw vegan cultist is that FOOD should never be an all or nothing event. My food plan should never be so strict that I beat myself up if I eat a piece of homemade (truly from scratch y'all) cake with homemade cream cheese frosting! I celebrated the birthday of a beautiful brave strong and courageous young lady who very much deserves a slice of cake in this frustrating life she's been handed.
I've been back on track since Monday… yeah, I know, it's only Wednesday. I don't know what “clicks” that helps me get back to ALL again but I do realize that little by little I am acquiring something that is very necessary for success: BALANCE.
I promised my friend that I was here for her and that between us, we would figure out how to cure this all or nothing mentality. She had told me a story of homeschooling and about her own family life that really had a huge impact on my thinking. The idea was that sometimes we need to learn to accept “good enough”…
The concept is foreign to me, I admit. Having been raised by a perfectionist father whom I very much wanted to please, I always set the bar high. I rarely forgive myself for my perceived failures. Can I learn to accept good enough? I'm sure my children hope I will.
Good enough. Yeah. I liked that. I didn't get ALL the laundry done but everyone has something clean to wear: Good enough. I didn't finish that horrible math curriculum we bought this year, but we had so much fun and we learned so much in all our other subjects… I'm buying a math curriculum that I hope we will love and I'm starting it this summer: Good enough. I didn't eat on plan 100% of the time this week, but I did reach my steps goal and I burned up my core doing yoga: Good enough.
I intend to focus on living in the grey area and learning to find the balance. I believe I can, and if I give it a go but find my self lacking, well that's good enough.
I once heard someone say, “Balance is like a pendulum; it’s that brief moment in the middle when you’re swinging from one extreme to the other.” Part of our pursuit of balance contains the realization that it is never perfectly achieved. The pursuit of balance is the goal. So don’t be frustrated with the constant effort. (source)
So while I am learning about the pursuit of balance and accepting Good Enough, I will also be learning to forgive myself. Even for the champagne and cupcakes!!!
I hope that if you are an expert at accepting “good enough” or if you are a recovering “all-or-nothing type” that you will share your tips with me in the comments in the Healthologist Community – so we can all learn!
Cocoa Wonder Wraps with Cream Cheese & Strawberries
So stinkin’ true! But it’s funny that I have adopted a “good enough” mentality with THM. SO many groups throw out “start over in 3 hours” (your next meal) and I just try to keep that in mind. I am consuming “a bazillion times” less junk than I did prior to starting THM. Sometimes knowing how much I have changed/improved might keep me “on plan” when it is an option. But other times, I just remind myself that I’ve made great strides. I don’t think that I ate bread so this means I should order that big ole slab of cheesecake. To me it means that I enjoyed the bread but I’m going to skip the dessert. And I’m calculating what I will do in 3 hours or tomorrow morning.
Now if we are talking about getting the laundry done, having a clean house, reminding classroom families about the upcoming end-of-year parties, keeping up with my Bible study, getting paid/getting my work done, planning and executing a garage sale????? Nope. I’m not even close and I beat myself up for not getting it all done. So thank YOU for these wise words to remind me to just allow myself to enjoy “the grey” sometimes but I’m hoping to learn more about finding the balance.
It’s funny you mentioned the “start over in 3 hours” because that helped me at first to allow myself not to quit but to get back on board in three hours… then just like that I was on day 3 of starting over every 3 hours… just more of my all or nothing mentality!
I think you have been doing AMAZING. Especially with all the challenges your dietician keeps throwing at you.
As far as the house and work… I’m not sure we ever get truly ahead of it but I think that learning to accept that you gave it a good shot and that there is always tomorrow helps. Don’t beat yourself up, because you are a KIND and CARING person and I’m so thankful to have you in my life!!
xoxo
Rebecca
I love this arthicle so much,
Well, thank you! 🙂
You don’t need to forgive yourself for eating cupcakes and drinking champagne. You just have to plan to enjoy the moments that presents themselves. For me, this week, I will undoubtedly face challenges of unpreparedness and off plan eating but I can do the best with this one aspect when I can and practice moderation during those off course times. It’s tough though. Especially having done so well the first month. If I sabotage this month I’ll be so bummed but right now I’m living in the moment with family I don’t get to see as often as we’d like. And, that, my friend is balance. ((But you better beleven how sad I was to not be at the meeting last night and even more after I saw how much fun y’all had). I told my husband I’ll almost rather be with y’all then at a restaurant eating off plan and not nearly as good as I’d have fixed for myself. )
Ha ha! Ceri that is saying a lot! I hope to become as balanced as you are. You have a pretty good grasp on it, as I have observed. You never seem like you’re in a hurry even though I know you have a ton of stuff to do, including new baby and all… I can tell you that we definitely missed your smiling face last night!!